Texas Girl813

The darkness consumes me
Like a never ending hole
Just when I think I can escape
The light fades away and darkness closes around me
I scream for help but nobody answers
I try and find a way out on my own
The smallest memories sends me into an oblivion of misery.
The smiling faces
The deep tummy laughs
The sweet love
The moments loved by most..
Send the most pain of all
The darkness sends chills through me
Each waking second has a harder tole
It’s as If the darkness is a cape
It hides the truth and causes much suffering in the end
Can be the soul reason for death
They say it’s a body dis function
Some meds can make it better
What they don’t know is the actual pain it causes and the malfunctions
That come along with it
Basic tasks forgotten
They promise it will get better
Each day it starts off better
But slowly turns into worse
It is a never ending curse
It will lead to me in a hurse
Never ending darkness
Caused by those of wickness
Say it’s for my best
When really its for themselves
Raviging off my expense
Not caring about the perminate
Damage done by their deeds
Planted in my soul to terminate
My very basic needs
Render me helpless
Torture me slowly
Leaving me lifeless
Thinking it is holy
Not knowing the pain
Not seeing the scars
Left to forever reign
My live now in tears
Thanks to this darkness
The never ending void…..

Author: Sarah Jane Connelly
Date: May 21, 2012
Title: Darkness

Hurting…. Having a miscarriage at 16 sucks! To know it was your fault hurts worse! To hold a 2week old who slept curled up against your chest over being with its mother…hurts… Specially when your child woulda been bout that age…. To see him smile up at you…..
Then to come to your fiancé and him just kinda blow it off n try try one up you by talking bout how his days was…hurts….. Then when you try n just straighten out the childish rubbish his mother is doing him get all defensive n crap! Ugh it’s like either take care of it or stop complaining! All I really want is to be able to talk to a mother whose gone throw a miscarriage to help me is that so much to ask for…..
Of corse it is because I have to tough it out myself n grow up even more so now I’m 30x more mature than my age…. Lovely……

Just wan someone to listen to me and not try to one up me or argue with me or try to tell me how bad they hurting to! For once can someone just let me talk bout me an get my pain out…………..:’( just wanna curl up in a ball n cry…..
Honestly I wanna just stab my self in the stomach n curl up n die…….. Why my tummy? Well that’s where our child died so why not it be where my fatile blow go……..

Hours of screaming crying begging God not to take him away…..hours of screaming and crying in pain……. Hours of holding my dead baby in my hand crying and screaming and pulling out my hair trying to figure out why! Hours spent…. Never able to talk bout….. Always bout others not me when I had to see my baby lay dead in my hands bloody n lifeless….. Starting to look just like a baby….. Half way to birth……..hours…….